My Full Heart: Thankful Thursday: A Testimony

I’m linking up with Jennifer for Thankful Thursday! There is always so much to be thankful for, and I think I say that every week. But it’s true! This week, my thankful post is going to be more of a short testimony, if that’s okay. 

A little backstory: I’ve been fighting off some post-partum depression since Zoey was born. She was a surprise baby, and it’s been a little wild having another little one, along with two grandchildren close in age to her. Trying to juggle big kids and little kids is not easy, and I’ve been struggling more than I’d like to admit. I’ve been reading my Bible more lately, but my prayer life has been suffering – almost nonexistent. I think this has really enhanced my depression and anxiety.

So – Saturday, my sister and I went to a woman’s conference at a church in town. I saw the advertisement for it on Wednesday and asked Ashlie if she wanted to go with me. We’ve never been to one before, so it was something new for us. My mom came as well, and we all sat together.

The last speaker of the day spoke on prayer – which is exactly what I needed to hear, and I knew it – but something she said stuck out at me for some reason. It wasn’t that it was so incredibly insightful, but it was more of a visual that took root in my mind. I doodled in my notebook while she was talking. She likened prayer to a door – the door between us and God’s presence. 

– my doodle –

I went home and didn’t think much about it. That evening as I was preparing our children’s church lesson, I sort of smiled when I saw that it was on prayer, too. And then the craft idea was to make a prayer door! I didn’t make any big connections then, just thought it was a little coincidence.

– Zeke’s prayer door –

Sunday morning, when I got to church and settled into my Sunday School room, I picked up the bulletin that was left on my table, and there was a picture of a door with the words, “I am the door.” I stared at it for a few seconds, realizing that God was trying to teach me something. I spoke to my husband about it on the way home from church, in sort of a “isn’t this crazy?” kind of way. I told him that I needed to find out exactly what God was saying to me.

Monday morning, I opened my Bible to the next passage in my daily reading – Luke 13 – and this is the first thing I read:

The Narrow Door

Immediately I realized what God was telling me. I was neglecting the relationship part of my salvation and focusing more on the service part. I was teaching Sunday School, directing Team Kid on Wednesdays, VBS director, children’s church director…I was doing all the things, and for the right reasons, but I wasn’t taking the time to pray, to listen, to grow in fellowship with God.

Knowing God is more important than anything else. Not just knowing who He is but knowing Him. And I have been ignoring that for a while now. Being busy serving, decorating the tables at church, planning lessons, organizing events – all of these things are good. But knowing God – that is even better. I’m reminded of the story of Mary and Martha. Martha was cooking and cleaning and hosting a group in her home – all good things. Mary was at the feet of Jesus, soaking in all Jesus had to offer – the better thing, the best thing.

I went to the living room and got on my knees and repented. I was flooded with a feeling of peace, and I have been making the conscious effort to talk to God more, to spend more time in prayer, to focus on that relationship, and I feel so much happier, lighter, and freer. God still speaks to us and shows us things if we are willing to pay attention.

That little testimony is why I’m thankful today!