When Your Teen is the Bad Influence… What Now?

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This Post: When Your Teen is the Bad Influence… What Now? 

Co-written By: Marybeth Bock & Nancy Reynolds

As parents, we spend so much time worrying about our kids, don’t we? We worry about their happiness, their grades, their mental health, their future and the list goes on and on… 

Perhaps one of the biggest concerns we harbor is the fear that our teen will start hanging with a kid who’s a bad influence on them. Yet… we rarely stop to consider the possibility that our teen could be the one leading others down the wrong path.

Peer influence works both ways and sometimes, without even realizing it, our teen might be the one encouraging risky behavior in others. It’s a tough pill to swallow, (and perhaps a bit embarrassing) but the truth is, every kid is capable of making crummy choices.

It’s a humbling reminder that raising a good kid isn’t just about protecting them from the wrong crowd – it’s about making sure they’re not becoming the wrong crowd for someone else. If you’re realizing your teen might be the “bad influence,” what now?

Let’s talk about the signs, the why behind their behavior, and – most importantly – how to help turn things around.

 Signs Your Teen Might Be the Bad Influence 

If you recognize some of these signs, it doesn’t mean your teen is a “bad kid.” It just means it’s time for a serious conversation, clear boundaries, and guidance to help them become a better influence on those around them.

1. They Brag About Breaking Rules

A telltale sign that your teen might be the bad influence is when they seem proud of bending or flat-out breaking rules and they enjoy encouraging their friends to break rules as well. 

2. Parents, Coaches, and Teachers Express Concern to You

Maybe you received an upsetting call from a teacher that your child has been disruptive in class or you got pulled aside by the coach when you picked them up from practice. Or perhaps you got blindsided by another parent when you ran into them at the grocery store. You might be tempted to “stick up” for your kid, but these “red flags” need your attention.

3. Their Friends Start Pulling Away

Is your teen’s friend group constantly changing? Have they lost long-time friends? It might be a sign that kids are steering clear of your teen because of their risky behavior. 

4. They Dismiss Authority

Frequent run-ins with you, coaches, teachers, other parents, or anyone else in authority is a sign that your teen struggles with authority which can trigger them to resist and challenge boundaries. 

5. They Don’t Care About Consequences

“Fine… ground me. I Don’t Care!” They act like consequences are no big deal and that making poor decisions is just harmless fun. 

6.  They Lie And/Or Show Little Remorse When They Mess Up

Maybe they cut class, skipped practice, got caught vaping, or snuck out at night. Instead of recognizing and owning up to their mistakes, they either lie about it, laugh it off, make excuses, or shrug it off. 

7. They Pressure Their Friends into Making Risky or Reckless Choices

Whether it’s skipping class or experimenting with drugs, they try to lure (or even dare) their friends into doing it with them. 

8. Their Friends Get in Trouble A Lot When They’re Around

If their friend group seems to get into more trouble when your teen is present, they could be the common denominator.

When your teen is the one who’s been a bad influence, here are some steps to take that will help you and them move through this trying time.

If you find that your teen is a bad influence on others, you’re not alone. More importantly, remember parents, you can do everything “right” and still have a teen who messes up sometimes. Believe me, this is one of those things parents normally don’t talk about with casual friends.

1. Take a Deep Breath and Dive into the “Why”

There are several reasons why your teen might become a bad influence on others. Here are a few of the top reasons:

• They want to fit in. Social acceptance is a powerful force among teenagers.
• They want attention. To a teen dying for attention, negative attention will suffice if positive attention is lacking.
• They’re testing boundaries. Teens are hard-wired to push boundaries. Some teens take it a bit too far and need “reeling in.”
• Rebellion. Some kids simply develop a strong resistance to authority. 
• Sheer boredom and seeking a thrill. Perhaps they’re just looking for a good time and they’ve pushed the limits too far. 
• They’re being negatively influenced. Do they have an older brother encouraging their behavior? They might feel cool if they follow people they admire. 
• Underlying emotional issues. Confidence issues, anxiety, depression, displaced anger – all things that may trigger teens to act out in ways they normally wouldn’t. 

The more you unveil the “why” of their actions, the more you can target that particular area to offset their behavior. For instance, if they talk about how good it feels to get attention, you can help your teen find other, more positive ways, to get attention from others. 

2. Have Honest and Non-Judgmental Conversations with Your Teen

It’s never helpful to come at your teen with accusations like, “You’re a bad influence!” which will only put them on the defensive. Instead, broach the topic by saying something like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been acting differently lately. We need to talk about what’s going on.” Then, LISTEN. There may be reasons for your teen’s behavior that you weren’t aware of. 

Convey to your teen how their actions and behavior affect others. This can be hard for some teens because their brains simply are not fully developed and putting themselves in others’ shoes may not come naturally to them. 

3. Set Clear Boundaries, Expectations and Consequences

Now is the perfect time to reaffirm your family’s values and rules. Write them down and put them on the refrigerator if you have to. Be sure your teen knows, upfront, what the consequences will be if they break your rules. (i.e. Cutting class = loss of car privileges for a week.) If your teen encourages bad behavior in their friends, they need to take responsibility. 

Also, be consistent with your discipline – mixed messages can lead to more defiance, and teens know when to take advantage of a parent who is tired or too busy to enforce their rules consistently.

4. Reset Their “Moral Compass”

If you feel your teen’s moral compass is pointed in the wrong direction, help them reset it. Ask them questions like, “How would you feel if someone pressured you to do something you didn’t want to?” and “How would you feel if someone got seriously hurt after you pressured them to do something risky?” 

You can also get them involved in community service or encourage them to take on a leadership role. (Working with younger kids can make them realize the importance of being a positive role model.) Also, model the behavior you want to see – show respect, kindness, and responsibility in your home and your community. Teens notice when we back up our words with actions.

5. Encourage Role Models and Positive Friendships

Who is your teen hanging with? Are they drawn to the rebels and troublemakers? Are they the ring leader? While it can be hard to control who your teen spends time with (particularly when they’re at school), you can find strong role models in their lives to steer them back. A part-time job with a great boss they look up to, a coach they admire, a club with a leader who inspires them, etc. 

Help your teen see the benefit of being a good influence rather than a negative one. The more they feel the “high” of being admired by someone else, the more they’ll strive to be admired by others. Feeling admired will make them feel seen, valued, and important, which can also strengthen their confidence and steer them away from the “bad influence” role.

6. Address Any Underlying Issues

Understanding the root of your teens’ negative behavior can help you address it. If your teen is acting out due to stress, anxiety, or low self-esteem, help them work on those deeper issues.

If you discover that your teen is a bad influence on others, you might want to consider getting them into therapy or counseling if their behavior seems extreme or is long-lasting. Keep talking openly about challenges they’re facing so they feel safe coming to you with their struggles.

7. Recognize and Praise Positive Changes

Praise improvements you see in your teen’s behavior, regardless of how small they may be. For example, you could say “I saw you step up and take responsibility today – that was really mature of you.” You can also offer incentives for making better choices like extra privileges, etc.

Remember, change doesn’t happen overnight.

Keep pushing for positive change, guiding them toward making better choices. With patience, firm boundaries, and loving support, your teen can turn things around, get on a more positive path, and become a more positive influence in the lives of others. Never give up on your child!

About Marybeth Bock

Marybeth Bock, MPH, is a Mom to two young adults and one delightful hound dog. She has logged time as a military spouse, childbirth educator, college instructor, and freelance writer. She lives in Arizona and thoroughly enjoys research and writing – as long as iced coffee is involved. Her work can be found on numerous websites and in two books. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

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