When Your Teen Hates School: 10 Tips to Motivate Them to Try

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This Post: When Your Teen Hates School: 10 Tips to Motivate Them to Try

Written By: Raising Teens Today Community

It’s one of the hardest things in the world to witness… your teen dragging themselves out of bed every morning, begrudgingly heading out the door for school, rolling their eyes at the mere mention of homework, and dismissing school as nothing more than “pointless.”

I’ve been there… sitting at the kitchen table late at night, trying to figure out how to motivate my son who seems to have completely checked out of school. 

What makes it so frustrating and heartbreaking is that you know what your child is capable of and you know their potential, but they simply won’t try. It’s like trying to push a boulder uphill. You might make a little progress, but then that boulder comes crashing back down the hill again. 

I’ll admit, I’ve had my share of moments where I’ve questioned my approach. Am I being too hard on him? Am I not pushing him enough? Does he realize the impact his lack of effort could have on his future? Does he even realize how much I care?

If you’re in the same boat, you’re not alone.

It’s taken me a while, but what I’ve learned is that finding ways to turn your teen on to school isn’t about waving your magic mom (or dad) wand and hoping to fix the problem – it’s about diving in a little deeper, striving to understand your teen’s perspective, and working right alongside them to overcome this challenge in their life with actionable steps. 

Here are tips that have helped me (and might help you) motivate your teen to try, even when school feels like the last thing they want to do.

10 Actionable Tips When Your Teen Hates School

1. Take the Time to View Life Through Their Eyes

With decades of life experience under our belt, we see things far more clearly than our teens do. But we have to remember that we can’t (and won’t) be able to get through to them if we don’t take the time to view life through their eyes. They need to have their feelings validated. We have to approach the situation with a heaping dose of grace, patience, and understanding. Sure, yelling, nagging, and threatening might work temporarily, but it won’t get to the root of the issue. 

Rather than guess what was causing my son’s sheer disdain for school, I waited until we were both calm and hanging out together and I asked him. I didn’t interrupt or jump in with my opinion, suggestions, or one of my lengthy (boring) life lesson lectures. I just listened. What came out surprised me.

It wasn’t laziness; he was anxious, overwhelmed, and felt he’d never measure up… so “Why bother trying?” he said. When I took the time to listen without judgment, it gave me insight into what was going on in his head.

2. Identify the Root Cause

Once I understood his feelings, I started digging deeper. Was it a tough subject he couldn’t grasp? Was he comparing himself to his older brother or his friends? Or maybe he felt like the material wasn’t relevant to his life or that the idea of preparing for college was just too overwhelming. Identifying the root cause helped us tackle the problem with more clarity.

* It’s important to mention that just because your teen dislikes school, doesn’t mean they’re struggling academically. A LOT of academically talented/gifted students dislike school and refuse to try.

3. Focus on Their Strengths 

My son struggled in some classes, but he was a whiz in math. When I started praising his strengths, I saw a spark of confidence that hadn’t been there before.

I also reminded him over and over again that I loved him no matter what, that his grades would never define him AND just because he hadn’t found his stride in school, didn’t mean he’d struggle in real life. MANY highly successful adults fumbled their way through school. 

4. Set Small, Achievable Goals

Big tasks can be overwhelming. Instead of pushing him to “improve his grades,” we focused on creating actionable habits and setting small goals he could actually achieve. And, instead of hyper-focusing on RESULTS, I encouraged him to put his effort into ACTIONS. After all, with enough action, the results would eventually come. 

Study 30 minutes to one hour a night in his most challenging subject. Attend teacher help sessions before school. Go to bed 30 minutes earlier – sleep impacts everything! Organize a study group with other kids in the class. Once he made the commitment to tackle the small goals with a sense of “grit,” and started to see results, the tide began to shift.

A quiz he thought he failed came back with a passing grade. His teacher paid him a compliment for trying so hard. When his confidence increased, it motivated him to keep trying.

Parents, check out this incredibly insightful TED Talk on YouTube: Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance | Angela Lee Duckworth

5. Make It Relevant to Their Interests (and Find Role Models Who Can Reinforce It)

One day, I asked him, “What do think you might want to do in the future?” He mentioned being a game developer, so we talked about how math, coding, and even communication skills could tie into that dream.

Once he saw the connection between school and his passions, it started to make a little more sense to him. I also, got him involved in an after-school coding class where he connected with older (motivated) kids who “quietly” mentored him by encouraging him to try hard in school if he wanted to land a job with “X” company or get into “X” college that had a stellar curriculum.

6. Encourage Them to Focus on What They CAN Control

Encourage your teen to focus on things that they DO have control over… their attitude, their “gritty” habits, their ability to ask their teachers for help and extra instruction, their dedication to block out distractions when they’re studying, how they spend their free time, etc. 

7. Create a Comfortable Study Environment

If your teen is doing homework at the kitchen table with the television blaring in the background and the dog barking, they might find it hard to focus.

Instead, create a comfortable study space (bonus if you get your teen involved and they think it’s a cool space). It doesn’t have to be expensive – a desk, a comfortable chair, school supplies, and a whiteboard above the desk so they can jot down all upcoming assignments and deadlines.

8. Offer Rewards (and Be Realistic)

Rewards can be powerful motivators – but they have to be realistic. (And, no, it’s not about bribing them; it’s about showing them that hard work/effort pays off.)

For my son, it was extra computer time, letting him invite his friends over on a Friday night for pizza, and letting him choose something adventurous he wanted to do. (Yep… my husband and I were ziplining a month later.) 

9. Encourage Balance and Self-Care

One of the biggest mistakes I made early on was pushing too hard. I didn’t realize how burned out he was. Once we prioritized sleep, downtime, and family and friend time, his attitude started to shift. Teens need balance just as much as we do.

10. Be Patient and Persistent

This was the hardest one for me. There were days I wanted to throw my hands up and give in. But I kept reminding myself that change takes time. Even on the days when it felt like nothing was working, I knew that staying consistent in my love, support, and encouragement was planting seeds for the future.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that this journey wasn’t just about motivating my teen – it was about strengthening our relationship and teaching him how to tackle future challenges in his life. 

When I stopped seeing his struggles as a reflection of my parenting and started seeing them as part of his growth, it changed everything. It reminded me to lead with empathy and to keep showing up, even when it felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere.

So, to the mom who’s reading this with tears in her eyes, wondering if her efforts are making a difference – I see you. Keep showing up. Keep believing in your child. And keep reminding yourself that you’re not alone in this journey.

If you enjoyed reading, “When Your Teen Hates School: 10 Tips to Motivate Them to Try,” here are a few other posts you might enjoy:

Disorganized and Distracted: 6 Tips to Help Your Teen Tackle Homework with Confidence

6 Killer Apps to Help Your Teen Stay Focused and Block Distractions

School-Related Anxiety: The Real Reason Your Teen Might Be Refusing to Go to School

Let’s hear your advice and tips parents! When your teen hates school, what are a few actionable tips you’ve found that work? Comment below!