The Party Scene: How to Talk to Your Teen About Alcohol and Peer Pressure

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The Party Scene: How to Talk to Your Teen About Alcohol and Peer Pressure

Written By: The Raising Teens Today Community

There’s a common saying about parenthood that goes something like this:

“Parenthood is really about accepting the fact that you will be permanently worried for the rest of your life.” 

And boy… how true that is! And the teen years? I think most of us will agree they’re the most worrisome of all!

One of my biggest worries when my kids were teenagers was that they would get drawn into the “party scene.”

You know… that they would start hanging out with the wrong crowd, attend parties every weekend where alcohol was readily available, become secretive about where they were or whom they were with, and they would end up on a slippery slope that would draw them into hard alcohol and quite possibly drugs – all of which would negatively impact their grades, their ability to graduate and ultimately, their future. 

Talk about catastrophizing!

I admit I became panicked at times, fearful of just how horrible it would be if my teens started drinking and became addicted at a young age. But I entered into parenthood with this fear because that’s exactly what happened to one of my brothers in his early teens – his young exposure to the party scene had a profoundly negative effect on the rest of his life and his relationships.

Perhaps you have a similar story.

Maybe you have a family member or a friend who started partying early in life and suffered some pretty negative consequences. Or perhaps you have a personal connection to a teen who lost their life or who killed someone else because they were driving under the influence.

If you know firsthand about the heartache and devastation that can happen when teens make horrible choices, you know how important it is to talk to your teenager about alcohol and the peer pressure that often starts their experimentation with drinking.

No teenager takes their first sips of alcohol thinking that something horrible can happen as a result. At the time, it just seems fun and a little rebellious.

So how do we talk to our teens without sounding controlling (which oftentimes backfires), overly dramatic, or intensely fearful? And how do we have those tough conversations that will encourage them to be honest with us? It’s a fine line to walk, but it’s doable and necessary. Below are strategies that I found extremely helpful.

Here are ten key strategies to help you talk to your teen about alcohol and peer pressure.

1. Talk Early and Often About Alcohol

Don’t wait until your teenager is attending parties to bring up the subject of drinking and the pressure to fit in. You can use everyday situations (news stories, TV shows, or social media trends) as conversation starters. Be open, honest, and clear about the danger of drinking and why it’s not “No big deal.” 

I was very honest with my kids about their uncle’s struggles and how starting to drink at a young age severely affected his life. It was easy for my kids to see and understand both the physical and emotional distance within our extended family that developed because of his choices. In my case, I took advantage of my personal experiences and used them as a launchpad to teach my kids which helped drive my points home.

2. Focus on Building a Strong, Trusting Relationship

Whether you realize it or not, you hold the power to help your teen steer clear of drinking. Teens who feel connected to their parents are less likely to seek out risky behaviors. Spend time together, listen without judgment (or long lectures), and create a home where they feel safe and valued.

Also, avoid making parental demands on your teen, “Don’t EVER drink!” – there’s a good chance your teen will tune you out. Instead, ask questions about what they know, how they feel, and what they see going on around them with their friends. “Hey… so that party you attended last Friday… were kids drinking? How did that make you feel? How did you handle it?”

Show empathy by talking about your own experiences as a teenager, acknowledging that peer pressure and natural curiosity are challenges that you also faced while growing up. 

3. Share Facts, NOT Just Your Fears

Talk about the risks of alcohol, including impaired judgment, the legal consequences, and health effects. There are so many resources out there – and you can help them find great information using their favorite apps, like TikTok, Instagram, and Snapchat. Help them understand how alcohol can affect their developing brain and decision-making, and talk about real-life scenarios like drink spiking, binge drinking, and risky situations at parties.

The more “in touch” you are with the realities of what they come face-to-face with in their lives, the more likely they’ll be to open up about their experiences. Your teen needs to know you “get” what they’re going through so you can help them handle it without freaking out every step of the way. 

4. Set Clear Boundaries, Expectations and Consequences 

Your teen needs to know where you stand. Make your expectations about drinking crystal clear, and follow through with reasonable consequences if they break the rules.

Be sure to explain the legal and school-related consequences of underage drinking. My teens were well aware that my husband and I wouldn’t try to defend or excuse rule-breaking, and that we’d allow them to face the natural consequences if they chose to break our rules AND the law.

5. Teach Them How to Say “No”

Peer pressure is real. I always found it helpful to role-play responses to peer pressure so my kids felt prepared for those situations, like “Nah, I’m good,” or “I’ve got stuff to do tomorrow.” Make sure they know that it’s never okay to drink and drive or to get into a car with someone who’s been drinking.

In my home, we also established a “No Questions Asked” rule. If my kids EVER felt unsafe, they could call me at any time and I’d pick them up without immediate punishment or discussion. 

NOTE: It’s helpful to get to know the parents of your teens’ friends. I was never hesitant to call a parent I didn’t know to ask about the possibility of drinking going on at a gathering at their house. If this becomes the norm in your teen’s social circle, it can prevent a lot of risky behavior and no single kid feels like their parent is the overly strict one.

6. Give Them a Solid Exit Strategy

One of the best things you can do is to make SURE you and your teen have a secret code word or phrase they can text or call you with if they need you to come and pick them up.

Also, tell them it’s always okay to blame you if they need a way out. “Hey, I gotta go. My mom’s ticked… she wants me home now.”

7. Acknowledge Reality and Encourage Them to Choose Friends Wisely

Instead of assuming your teen will never be exposed to alcohol, help them make informed decisions if they do encounter it – because they will! And talk about alternative ways to have fun without drinking. Sports, clubs, and other extracurricular activities can help keep your teen busy with healthy activities.

Also, encourage them to seek out friends who know how to have a great time without drinking. When your kid goes off to college, it’s particularly important to reinforce the importance of moderation if you suspect they’ll be drinking.

8. Keep an Eye on Their Social Life

Your teen’s friends hold the power to influence them (positively or negatively) in a big way. Know where they are, who they’re with, and what they’re doing. Encourage them to invite friends to your home, where you can get an inside glimpse into your teen’s life and friends without being too overbearing.

9. Lead By Example

If you drink responsibly or avoid alcohol altogether you’re sending a stronger message to your teen than by simply telling them not to drink. Your teen is watching everything you say and do. If you use alcohol as a crutch or a means to escape your problems, your teen might feel it’s okay for them to do the same. 

10. Keep the Conversation Going

This isn’t a one-time talk – it’s an ongoing dialogue. Talk to your teen about alcohol and peer pressure often. Stay involved in their life, check in regularly, and always keep the lines of communication open so they know they can come to you.

By creating a supportive, honest, and nonjudgmental environment, you can help equip your teens with the knowledge and confidence they need to make smart and safe choices when it comes to alcohol use and peer pressure.

If you enjoyed reading, “The Party Scene: How to Talk to Your Teen About Alcohol and Peer Pressure,” here are a few other posts you might like:

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