Teen Angst or Something More? A Parent’s Guide to Spotting Social Anxiety

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This Post: Teen Angst or Something More? A Parent’s Guide to Spotting Social Anxiety

Written By: The Raising Teens Today Community

Emma (whose name has been changed for privacy) is a 14-year-old high school freshman who’s been a special part of my life since she was little. Growing up, she was always a good student who was quiet and mainly kept to herself. When COVID hit, she became more of a homebody, and over the months that followed, her parents started noticing even more concerning changes in her behavior.  

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She began to complain about stomachaches and headaches on school mornings and became more and more reluctant to go to school. 

It wasn’t just her parents who noticed a change in her. Emma’s high school counselor reached out to her parents with alarming news that her teachers observed she was becoming increasingly anxious when called on in class, often getting extremely embarrassed and stumbling over her words. She stopped participating in class discussions and even avoided taking part in a group project that was assigned in her favorite class.

Her mom also shared with me that Emma was skipping lunch to avoid the crowded cafeteria and was turning down invitations to social events, preferring to stay at home, alone in her bedroom. Following any kind of social interaction at school, Emma would come home and talk obsessively about her interactions with classmates and teachers, often criticizing herself for making “stupid mistakes​” in front of them, and calling herself a “loser.” Her days absent from school were adding up, and her parents were feeling more and more helpless with each passing day. 

Looking for answers, her mom reached out to a behavioral therapist and began to realize that Emma’s behavior had moved beyond the normal worries teens feel about fitting in and feeling socially awkward. In fact, Emma was exhibiting the early signs of social anxiety disorder, where her extreme fear of any kind of negative judgment had started to impact her daily life.

It’s a harsh reality, but experiences like Emma’s are often overlooked by parents or simply chalked up to normal teen angst – being shy around others, fearful of putting themselves out there, and/or being overly concerned with what others think of them. In a lot of cases, it is normal teen behavior, but sometimes the behaviors and avoidances indicate something more serious – social anxiety disorder.

Normal Teen Angst or Social Anxiety: How Parents Can Tell the Difference

According to Thomas E. Brown, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and co-author of the book, Social Anxiety: Hidden Fears and Shame in Teens and Adults, “Social anxiety involves excessive worry about how others might be thinking of you – thoughts that are more intense and persistent than is warranted for a situation. For instance, if you hear your teen repeatedly saying things like ‘What would my friends think of me if they ever found out I’m terrified of walking into school alone?’ or ‘If kids at school really knew how awkward (or dumb or uncoordinated) I am, no one would ever talk to me again.’ These types of excessive worries can lead to fear and avoidance of social situations and trigger physical symptoms when forced to be in social situations, such as sweating, shaking, stomach aches, or a rapid heartbeat.”

The National Social Anxiety Center says that one out of three teenagers between 13 and 18 years old meets the criteria for Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD), which is currently the third most common mental health disorder in the U.S. The prevalence among teens may not seem that high, but if it’s your teen who’s suffering, it can be life-altering for them and a tremendous amount of stress and worry for you.

Interestingly, the average age for the onset of social anxiety is 13 years, with 75% of affected people experiencing onset between the ages of 8 and 15 years. Some evidence suggests that, as with other anxiety disorders, it occurs more frequently in children and adults with ADHD. It’s also been reported that teenagers with social anxiety will often show symptoms of depression or chronic fatigue, as well.

The truth is, only about half of the teens struggling with social anxiety ever reach out for help, and many don’t until they’ve been carrying the weight of it for 15 years or more. Left untreated, it can quietly chip away at their confidence, affect their success in school, and even increase the chances of them dropping out. It’s heartbreaking, but it’s also why early intervention and support matter so much.

Can a Parent Unintentionally Trigger or Worsen Social Anxiety in Their Teen?

Social anxiety is more common in teens than we often realize. And while there’s no single cause, environmental factors – including parenting styles – can play a role in how it develops and how intense it might become.

In short, yes… a parent can unintentionally trigger (or worsen) social anxiety in their teen. Not because they’re doing everything wrong, but because certain patterns and dynamics can shape how safe or fearful a teen feels in the social world. Here are a few factors that might trigger or intensify social anxiety in a teenager:

• High Pressure or Overly Critical Parenting: Constantly correcting, criticizing, or setting unrealistically high expectations can make a teen fear judgment or failure, which are key ingredients in social anxiety.

• Modeling Anxious Behavior: If a parent often avoids social situations, expresses fear of being judged, or is overly worried about what others think, it’s not uncommon for teens to absorb those patterns.

• Lack of Emotional Support or Validation: When teens don’t feel heard, seen, or emotionally safe at home, they may start to feel unsure of themselves around others, too.

• Overprotection: Overly protective parents may limit their teens’ opportunities to socialize or take risks, which can hinder the development of confidence in social settings.

That said, parents aren’t always the cause – social anxiety can stem from a mix of temperament, life experiences (like bullying), environmental factors like home dynamics, and genetics. In fact, social anxiety often runs in families, with a two to six times increased risk if a first-degree relative has it. The good news? Parents can also be a powerful protective factor by offering support, modeling healthy social behavior, and helping their teen build confidence.

Remember, parents, while it can be helpful to look to the past for clues about your teen’s current issues, don’t waste time ruminating on the what-ifs. It’s more important to focus on the now and what you can do to support your teenager moving forward if you suspect they may have social anxiety disorder.

Treating Teens’ Social Anxiety Disorder

Research shows that a combination of the following types of treatments has the best outcomes for social anxiety disorder in teenagers:

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

This is the most commonly used approach for treating social anxiety disorder. CBT is an evidence-based treatment and is typically short-term, with a therapist setting realistic and concrete goals with a patient to achieve measurable results. For teens with social anxiety, CBT focuses on specific negative thoughts (like “I’m stupid and everyone knows it”) and unhealthy behaviors like avoiding friends or classmates that negatively affect their mood. This type of therapy helps teens understand the deeper connections between their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and it can be extremely empowering for them.

2. Exposure Therapy

This component of behavioral therapy involves exposure to feared or triggering situations. The process helps teens create a gradual exposure experience so that they can confront their social anxiety head-on. Research shows that the more someone avoids anxiety-provoking situations, the more their anxiety is reinforced. This is called the avoidance cycle. So, teens with social anxiety are encouraged to “feel their fear” while understanding that it’s not life-threatening and is usually a false alarm going off in the emotional center of their brains. The goal of exposure therapy isn’t to eliminate all anxiety, but to learn how to deal with it. Eventually, as teens become more confident with this concept, their anxiety tends to decrease.

3. Medication

It can be a little scary to think about starting your teen on a mind-altering medication, but in cases where social anxiety is more severe and significantly impacts a teenager’s daily life, medication can be a helpful addition to cognitive and behavioral therapy. It tends to “take the edge off,” making it easier for them to engage in therapy and benefit from it more effectively. The most common medications prescribed for social anxiety include Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) and Benzodiazepines. These medications help regulate anxiety and promote a calmer and positive mood.

The National Social Anxiety Center offers this excellent advice for parents who are looking to find a therapist for their teens with social anxiety disorder: 

“Adolescents, who initially don’t want to be in therapy because they’re stuck in an avoidance cycle and have a difficult time meeting new people and maintaining connection out of fear of scrutiny, need a clinician to be warm, engaging, accepting, and transparent. Therefore, when you are looking for a therapist, keep in mind how that person makes you feel during the intake appointment. Does the clinician normalize anxiety? Are they able to make you and your teen feel at ease in the room? Are they able to laugh at themselves and/or connect with your teen in relatable ways? If the clinician feels stiff, unrelatable, or even anxious themselves, chances are the teen will have a difficult time trusting that person and taking social risks in therapy. This is very important because the therapeutic relationship is where the social anxiety exposures begin. Additionally, this relationship has been shown time and time again in research to directly impact the overall success of treatment.”

If you suspect your teen may have social anxiety disorder, remember that early recognition, intervention, and support can significantly improve outcomes for teenagers who struggle.

And remind your teen (and yourself) that seeking help for any kind of personal challenge is a sign of strength. With the right support, managing social anxiety becomes more attainable, and a good therapist will help your family feel less alone on your journey.

Helpful Resources: 

Free Social Anxiety Screening Test for Teens

Find a Licensed Therapist through the NSAC

Find a Licensed Therapist for Teens through Talkspace

If you enjoyed reading “Normal Teen Angst or Something More? A Parent’s Guide to Spotting Social Anxiety,” here are a few other posts you might like:

5 Major Reasons Why Your Teen’s Life is More Stressful Than You Think

Healthy Coping Skills for Teenagers: 10 Ways to Relieve Stress & Anxiety

7 Best Apps for Stressed and Anxious Teens