My Teen is Watching EVERYTHING I Do: Here’s What You Won’t See Me Doing Anymore

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This Post: My Teen is Watching EVERYTHING I Do: Here’s What You Won’t See Me Doing Anymore

Written By: The Raising Teens Today Community

I’ll be the first to admit it. I’m not a perfect parent. Oh… I  try. But so often, I find myself falling short. 

I lose my temper far more often than I should. I allow my kids to wear me down on consequences when I should hold my ground. And, I’ve been known to be just as sarcastic (and, frankly, immature) as my kids are. I can’t help but think that as a parent, our kids give us a few “free passes” on crummy parenting, but as my kids have gotten older I’ve realized that they’re taking it all in. ALL OF IT.

You might think your teen is lost in their phone or tuned out to the world, but trust me, they’re watching. Every. Single. Thing. You. Do.

I learned this the hard way when I heard my daughter (who’s slender and fit) referencing her thighs as being “too chunky” – something I’ve offhandedly said about my own thighs. Hearing her say that broke my heart… what was I doing? I want my daughter to love her body just the way it is, not critique it and feel ashamed of it. 

That moment was a wake-up call for me.

It made me stop and think about the example I’m setting. That’s why I’m committed to being more intentional about what I do and say. I know I’m not perfect (and my kids don’t need me to be), but there are definitely things I want to change.

Here are things you won’t see me doing anymore because I know my kids are paying attention to everything I do.

1. You Won’t See Me Talking Negatively About My Body

If I want my daughter to accept and love her body, it starts with me showing her how. She has enough to deal with being pounded with perfectly filtered body images on social media. The last thing she needs is me modeling self-doubt or negative self-talk about my expanding waste or my “chunky” thighs. So, from here on out, I’m ditching the “I look so fat in this.” Instead, I’ll focus on showing self-compassion and confidence, even when I’m not feeling it. 

2. You Won’t See Me Glued to My Phone

It’s so easy to fall into the scroll hole – I get it. But when my kids see me constantly checking my phone, I’m teaching them it’s okay to prioritize a screen over real-life relationships. Going forward, I’m setting stricter boundaries for myself: putting it completely away when we’re together as a family and prioritizing my kids when they want to talk instead of responding to every ding I hear on my phone. Because if I want them to put their phones down, I have to lead by example.

3. You Won’t See Me Putting Myself Last

For years I put myself last. Sure, it might’ve been okay (and even necessary) when my kids were younger and far more needy but it’s not as necessary anymore. I need to set an example to my kids that self-care isn’t selfish.

I’m going to grab a mid-day nap if I’m exhausted, focus on my health more, and make all those doctor appointments and check-ups I’ve been putting off. Mostly, I’m going to accept the fact that I can’t do it all. I’ll do what I can and that’ll have to be enough. 

4. You Won’t See Me Overcommitting

How often do we model the idea that being “busy” somehow equals being important or productive? When my kids constantly see me in full-blown “race pace” mode day-in-and-day-out, I’m sending the strong message that to be productive you have to be busy… when in reality sometimes being “unbusy” is the more productive thing they can do. 

5. You Won’t See Me Overreacting to My Teen’s Mistakes 

GUILTY as charged – especially when I’m overwhelmed or exhausted. But this is something I plan to work on going forward. When my kids come to me and confess a mistake (which takes so much courage) or share something that happened on a Friday night out with their friends that freaks me out, I’m going to do my best to take a deep breath, listen, and react calmly. One: They’re watching. Two: If I fly off the handle every time they say something I don’t want to hear, what motivation will they have to keep coming to me? 

6. You Won’t See Me Downplaying My Kids’ Feelings (or My Own)

It’s tempting to say, “It’s not that big of a deal” or “I think you’re overreacting,” when my teen is upset. But what might seem small to me can feel huge to them. Plus, the last thing I want to do is teach my kids to brush their feelings aside.

From now on, I’m going to do my best to lead with empathy. If they’re upset, I’ll listen, validate their feelings, and offer support. Because teaching them to process their emotions and communicate their feelings starts with me showing them how.

7. You Won’t See Me Putting Others Down 

As my kids have gotten older, I find myself venting to them like a friend. The truth is, my kids are becoming more like friends as they’ve matured, but there are some things I say and do that need to stay in “parent mode.” One of them is venting about others. I’ll vent to my husband or a close friend, but I don’t want my kids to see their mom tearing others down because kindness is a value I want them to carry in their hearts. 

8. You Won’t See Me “Dying on Every Mountain” 

Oh… this is a biggie. I’ll definitely be picking my battles with my kids more because, frankly, every mountain isn’t worth dying on.

If they want to wear mismatched socks to school or they insist pizza counts as a vegetable, I’ll let it slide. Instead, I’ll focus on the big things like their safety, respect, raising kind, caring, responsible human beings, and being strong and consistent in my parenting – which means no caving in on consequences when they break a rule. 

9. You Won’t See Me Feeding Off My Teen’s Moods and Behavior

Little do my kids know how much control they have over me. Not in the “take advantage of mom” kind of way, but in their moods and behavior. I feed off of them far too often and I need to get better about that. 

Going forward, I’ll let them jump on their emotional roller coaster when they’re having a crummy day, (and that’s okay), but I won’t be joining them. Instead, I’ll let them ride that roller coaster alone while I wait patiently for them to come down. I can’t control my kids’ moods, but I can surely control mine. 

10. You Won’t See Me Giving Up on Connection

My teens can be so hard to read. Sometimes they’ll act like they want nothing to do with me, and all too often, I back off. But this year, I’m doubling down on connection. Whether it’s a quick coffee run, a car ride with their favorite music cranked up, or just propping myself up in bed at 10:30 at night when they’re in the mood to talk, I’m not giving up. They might push me away at times, but deep down, I know they need me more than ever. 

I’m not perfect, nor am I striving to be. But every day, I get to choose the example I want to set for my kids.

That’s why I’m choosing to be intentional about my actions and words because I know they’re paying attention. They’re learning how to navigate life by watching me, and that’s a responsibility I don’t take lightly.

If you enjoyed reading, “My Teen is Watching EVERYTHING I Do: Here’s What You Won’t See Me Doing Anymore,” here are a few other posts you might enjoy!

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