My Daughter, I Promise I’ll Stick By You Through It All

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This Post: My Daughter, I Promise I’ll Stick By You Through It All

Right now you’re in your bedroom with the door shut listening to music and scrolling through your phone. But little do you know, my sweet girl, that I’m sitting on the couch in the living room – just a few feet away – longing for you and missing you so much it almost takes my breath away…

It wasn’t always like this. 

There was a time when we were best buddies. We went everywhere together.

If I went to the grocery store, you wanted to come with me. If I had to run a quick errand to the bank or drug store down the street, you were insistent on coming. If I was sitting on the couch watching a show, you were plastered against me asking for a back rub or snuggling up beside me. It was wonderful. 

We spent hours together in your room painting the walls, redecorating, and rearranging your things when you hit your tween years – the yellow walls and polka dot comforter were too juvenile. You were ready for a more grown-up (ish) room. 

We took long car rides together for no reason at all. We got pedicures when we were bored. We went on mini shopping sprees where you picked out clothes far more suitable to the teen you were becoming, not the little girl you were saying goodbye to. 

At the time, I didn’t realize how fleeting those days were. I talked with other parents whose daughters pulled away, but surely that wouldn’t happen to us… never us. 

I read that most teenagers separate from their parents and need time to grow and learn and spread their wings without their parents hovering over them. But I didn’t think it would happen to you and me… never you and me. 

You see, no matter how much other parents or even experts try to prepare you for this heartbreaking transition, a mother’s heart can’t comprehend it. She can’t wrap her heart or mind around the reality of feeling as though she’s losing her baby, one agonizing day at a time. 

It’s just so hard. In fact, some days the silence is so loud, it’s deafening.

Because in my mind, I still hear your giggles when you were swinging on the swing at the park, your enthusiasm and chatter when you came home from elementary school so eager to share literally everything about your day, and your soft cries for me in the middle of the night when you had a bad dream. 

I still feel your hand in mine, the softness of your hair when I brushed it in the morning and the sweet smell of your favorite powder when I cuddled you after your nightly bath.

Oh… I never knew it was possible to miss you so much even though you’re right down the hall.

But, my darling, here’s what I do know…

I know this won’t last forever.

I know you’ll circle back.

I know deep down inside you miss me just as much as I miss you.

I know you need this time.

And, I know that time will eventually bring us back together.

I see glimpses of you, my baby girl, every now and then. The girl my heart longs for. 

Sometimes, you’ll plop on my bed late at night and tell me about your day – talking a mile a minute as if you’ve been waiting for the right moment to share everything with me that you’ve been holding back on. Sometimes, I’ll hug you and I’ll feel you sink into my arms and I hear a gentle sigh – a reminder to me that you still need the comfort of your mama’s arms.

Sometimes, you’ll ask me for advice or you’ll laugh at my goofy jokes or you’ll lean on the kitchen counter when I’m cooking – my cue that you want to talk. Other times, you’ll open your heart to me while we’re driving in the car or you’ll shed a tear in my arms when you’ve had a bad day. 

Even though you pull away again, I know you’re still there.

Somewhere beneath the emerging teenager who’s determined to do things her way, who fights me at times, who rolls her eyes at me and is convinced I know absolutely nothing about life and certainly nothing about life as a teenager, is a young girl who’s becoming a woman and still needs her mom.

Maybe not today, maybe not next month, and maybe not even next year, but one day, you’re going to realize that I’ve been right here the whole time.

Despite you pushing me away, choosing your friends over our family, seizing nearly every chance you can to escape family time by retreating to your bedroom and acting annoyed by almost everything I say and do, I’ve never left your side. 

I promise you this… no matter how long it takes, no matter how hard you push me away, no matter how much my heart aches for your smile and hugs and touch, I’ll always be here for you. I’m not going anywhere…

And one day, maybe you’ll realize that I’ve always had your back and that you’ve never really been alone. Maybe you’ll realize just how steadfast my love is and that nothing you can do will ever shake it loose. Maybe you’ll see how much you need me… how much we need each other. 

So, while you figure things out and branch out into your newfound independence, just know your mom is just a few steps behind… always. 

Just know, my sweet daughter, that I’ll stick by you through it all. You can always and forever count on that…

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