Mom, You’re Not a Nag, You’re Just Exhausted

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This Post: Mom, You’re Not a Nag, You’re Just Exhausted

Written By: The Raising Teens Today Community

“Did you take a shower?”

“Don’t forget, you need to clean your room this weekend – it’s a disaster.”

“Be sure to turn in your homework.”

“It’s time to stop scrolling on your phone and get to bed, it’s late.” 

Sometimes, I feel like a broken record. 

I’m constantly tossing out reminders to my kids and I hate it. They view it as nagging. I view it as “Maybe you should have listened to me the first time.” Either way, I feel as though my repeated reminders and their perspective that I’m always on their backs about something is chipping away at our relationship. 

But what my kids don’t realize (perhaps, yet) is that all those reminders are a testament to my love and care. After all, parenting them would be SO much easier if I didn’t care how they turned out.

What they also don’t realize is that I’m JUST as tired of reminding them as they are hearing it. The truth is, I’m exhausted. So, yeah, my tone might be a bit harsh at times when I ask them to do something TWELVE TIMES!

Sadly, oftentimes our families and even society label us moms as “nags.” But underneath those reminders is a deeper reality.

We’re not nags… we’re just exhausted. And here’s why:

1. Constant Mental Load

Oh, it’s so heavy isn’t it, Moms? We’re not only thinking about today; we’re thinking about tomorrow, next week, and six months down the road. We’re keeping up with it all – orthodontist appointments, sports practices, permission slips, homework and project deadlines, birthdays, holidays, and more. We’re the glue that holds our family together. 

Our bodies may be tired but our brains are exhausted from all the thinking and planning and overthinking and wondering and worrying. The hard part is, there’s no applause at the end of the day.

2. Emotional Labor of Caring for Everyone’s Needs

You are the emotional hub of your family. You’re the one who’s in tune with every shift in your kid’s mood, every unspoken word, and every quiet ride in the car wondering what happened. And, it can be an awfully heavy load to carry. 

Every single day you quietly make it your mission to make sure everyone in the family feels seen and heard, leaving little time to process your own feelings which can lead to emotional exhaustion. It’s the type of fatigue that comes from constantly putting yourself last.

3. Sleepless Nights

From the moment our kids are born, sleep becomes more of a luxury than a necessity. Even after our kids become tweens and teens, you’d think we’d get more sleep… but we don’t.

We lie awake at night. We worry about their safety when they’re driving, their grades, or the fact that they’re spending too much time gaming or on social media. We worry about friendship problems, whether they’ll cave into peer pressure or that they’ll make good choices.

The sleep deprivation that begins in the early days of motherhood doesn’t magically disappear – it just changes. And over time, our lack of rest takes a toll. It’s hard to have patience, energy, or even joy when your body is constantly begging for sleep.

4. The Weight of Expectations

It’s not just your own expectations you’re carrying, it’s the weight of society’s expectations. The pressure to be a “good” mom, to raise well-adjusted kids who do well in school, to keep a neat house, and oh… to look good doing it all with a smile on your face. 

But heads up, mamas… those expectations can’t be met. And trying to live up to them will only leave you feeling as though you’re falling short or, worse, failing miserably. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can. It’s okay if you’re not perfect. Your kids don’t need a perfect mother… they need YOU.

5. The Never-Ending To-Do List

One of the reasons you feel like you’re nagging your kids is that you’re the one person responsible for making sure the household runs smoothly. It all seems to fall on your shoulders – every load of laundry, trip to the grocery store, paper to sign, meal to plan.

Every reminder to “clean your room,” “get your homework done,” and “take a shower,” isn’t about nagging or trying to control our kids – it’s about trying to maintain SOME semblance and order in the chaos of life. Mostly, it’s about trying SO hard to raise our kids right so they can take on this world without us one day. 

6. Trying to Find Balance Between Work and Home

Many moms juggle careers alongside their parenting responsibilities, adding another layer to their exhaustion. Balancing work with doctor’s appointments, teacher conferences, practices, and our kid’s emotional needs can sometimes feel like an impossible challenge. Even when you’re at work, your mind is often wandering about your kids or what needs to be done when you get home. 

The pressure to juggle (and excel) at both roles can make you feel like you’re falling short in both areas – even when you’re trying your best.

7. Being the Default Parent

Are you the default parent, Mom? Are you the one who keeps the house running smoothly, who keeps track of your kids’ schedules and school and sports? Are you the one who gets called when they’re hurt or sick? Are you the “everything” and “on call” parent?

Even if the responsibility is shared by your spouse or significant other, carrying the brunt of that load can wear you the heck out and leave you feeling easily triggered to do what your family views as “nagging.”

8. Putting Everyone Else First

We tend to put everyone else’s needs before our own, don’t we? We drag ourselves out the door to pick our kids up at 11 p.m. even when we need to get up early the next day. We make a healthy, home-cooked dinner even though we’re dead tired. We skip our walk, our favorite hobby, or our workout so we can make sure our kids get to school or practice on time. We’re always always giving. 

It’s not that we don’t want to take care of ourselves… we do! It’s just that squeezing in time for self-care is hard when you’re juggling the needs of your family. The constant selflessness is what makes us moms incredible, but it’s also why we’re so exhausted.

9. The Beauty (and Heartache) of Watching Our Kids Grow Up

It’s the most bittersweet journey of all. We dedicate years of our lives to help our kids become independent and yet, when they do, it hurts our hearts. It’s beautiful, no doubt… but emotionally draining as we long for their littleness.

Sure, we’re proud of their independence, but we long for those days when their little handle slipped into ours and when they crawled into our laps when the world got to be too big. We don’t talk about this enough but letting go of our kids can be so emotionally draining… especially when you’ve put your heart and soul into raising them. 

10. The Unnoticed Moments of Sacrifice

I can’t tell you how many times I desperately needed a break after a long day, but instead, I helped my kids with their homework – oftentimes, late into the evening. Or,  how many times I went out of my way to make my kids’ lives a little easier. 

These sacrifices… these small acts of love, however small they might seem to our kids, add up and they can take a toll on our enthusiasm and patience. Sure, we love doing things for our kids but that doesn’t mean that the sacrifices we make aren’t exhausting. 

You’re Not a Nag, Mom – You’re Human and You’re Tired

So, Mom, if you feel like all you ever do is repeat yourself, know this: you’re not a nag, you’re just tired. You’re trying your best to raise good humans and give them the best of yourself; that is no small task. You’re tired of giving and trying and doing and dealing with sass. You’re just plain tired. 

But your exhaustion is a sign of how much you care, how deeply you love, and how tirelessly you work to make life better for your family. It’s okay to feel tired. It’s okay to need a break. And above all, it’s okay to remind yourself that you’re doing an amazing job – even if your kids don’t realize it just yet. Hang in there, Mom. You are seen, and you are loved, even if you sometimes feel like you’re running on empty.

READ: How to Stop Nagging Your Teen: 10 Doable Tips to Create More Peace in Your Home

If you enjoyed reading, “Mom, You’re Not a Nag, You’re Just Exhausted,” here are a few other posts you might like!

The Mental Load of Motherhood: The Side Our Family Never Sees

How to Stop Nagging Your Teen: 10 Doable Tips to Create More Peace in Your Home

How to Stop Being an Angry Mom: 10 Triggers that are Setting You Off (and How to Manage Them)

Listen Up Tired Mamas, Here Are 10 Ways to Take a Break Without Leaving Your Family High and Dry