Drama Can Suck the Life Out of Our Kids: Here’s 5 Ways They Can Avoid It

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This Post: Drama Can Suck the Life Out of Our Kids: Here’s 5 Ways They Can Avoid It

Written By: Marybeth Bock & Nancy Reynolds

Do you ever feel like your teen could be the star of a reality TV show because their life is filled with so much heavy drama? 

I can’t tell you how many times my kids came home from school and bent my ear about all the drama that went on that day.

I mean sure, in some ways, it’s entertaining (when it’s harmless).

But it can also be incredibly exhausting and draining and it can really take its toll on our teen’s well-being. In fact, some kids feel their mental health has declined because of the conflict surrounding them. Having so much on their shoulders can completely shake their emotional stability… it’s just not healthy.

Of course, there’s the friend and social group drama, which is constantly swirling. “Why is Jenna ghosting Angela when they used to be besties? How could Ashley betray my confidence when she promised not to tell? And, why is Jake mad at me? I didn’t do anything!”

Then there’s the romantic relationship drama. “Did you hear Ryan and Blair are breaking up? Rumor has it that Justin is going to ask Brianna to Homecoming and Marly is upset because she thought Justin was going to ask her! Now Brianna and Marly aren’t talking and they used to be super close friends.”

And there’s the sports (and other extracurriculars) drama, the academic and teacher drama, and the normal teen moods, hormones, and stress drama… “I can’t tell, but I think those kids were laughing at me. My hair looks so bad today. I just wanna go home. Oh, and I’m pretty sure the teacher hates me.”

Whether it’s friendship fallouts, gossip, rumors, or social media conflicts, drama can not only feel overwhelming but it can suck our kid’s energy dry – especially if they’re in the middle of all the drama. 

So, why are teenagers so darn dramatic?

Teenagers don’t mean to be dramatic… they just are.

Drama tends to peak in our kids’ teens mainly because they’re going through intense emotional and developmental changes. Their brains are under construction, particularly the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision-making and regulating emotions, making it harder for them to manage their feelings. 

Add in the fact that their hormones are out of whack, which can amplify their feelings and emotions making situations seem a whole lot more intense than they really are. 

The good news is that there are ways your teen can steer clear of the heavy drama, avoid the emotional rollercoaster, and focus on making their time at school more positive, stress-free, and (dare I say!) fun. 

1. Avoid Gossip, Gossipers and Rumors

Pretty much every teen wants to be “in the know” when it comes to the latest juicy gossip, but nothing can drag them into drama faster than getting too invested in the latest gossip, or worse, passing along gossip themselves.

When gossip and gossiping become common in your teen’s social circle, it can create a negative (or downright toxic) environment which all too often leads to unnecessary conflict.

Teach your teen (by example) to shut down conversations that aim to tear others down. The more others realize they aren’t comfortable with gossip, the more they’ll stop trying to drag them into the drama. Tell your teen to simply shift any negative conversations that involve gossip to more positivity that builds people up. “Did you know Kelsey made the track team? I’m so excited for her!” Or “Jake told me he scored 100% on that hard math test… I’m so impressed!” 

2. Stay In Your Own Lane

Encourage your teen to focus on their own lives and goals. Whether it’s getting a better grade in Algebra, making the lacrosse or gymnastics team, or starting their own small lawn mowing business in the neighborhood, when they focus on themselves, it leaves much less room for drama.

Also, teach them the art of staying neutral when it comes to disagreements (or full-blown arguments) among friends. When they take sides, it can escalate conflict and heighten the drama. Help your teen learn how to be supportive of both sides while keeping out of the fray. 

It’s important, too, to encourage your teen to be authentic. When they’re true to themselves and their values, they’re less likely to be pulled into superficial or unnecessary drama.

3. Communicate Openly and Honestly

Miscommunication is often at the root of drama. Instead of assuming the worst when something goes wrong, try talking it out with the other person directly.

Being clear about their feelings and listening to the other person can prevent misunderstandings from escalating into bigger problems.

4. Use Social Media with Caution

A LOT of drama happens online (especially with teens), where words can easily be misinterpreted and conflicts can escalate quickly. 

Our teens need to be coached that when drama unfolds online, they shouldn’t engage. If they do end up in a disagreement with a friend, it’s always best to keep it off social media where things can easily spiral out of control.

Remind younger teens that even private messages and texts can be screenshotted and used against them if a frenemy decides to create drama.

Limiting time on social media or simply taking a break from it, even for a few days, can help teens gain a fresh perspective and prevent them from getting caught up in virtual drama and/or arguments.

5. Choose the Right Friends and Diversify Friend Groups

One of the best ways your teen can avoid unnecessary drama is for them to surround themselves with supportive, positive, drama-free friends. Look for kids who are kind, supportive, and focused on being a good friend rather than stirring up trouble and creating chaos. 

Also, another great way to keep drama at bay is to encourage your daughters and sons to have a variety of friend groups… at school, in clubs they’re involved in, in their sports activities, at church, etc. The more friend groups they have,  the less likely they’ll be to feel defeated and lost if drama erupts in one of their friend groups. They’ll always have another group of good friends to lean on. 

6. Know When to Walk Away

Sometimes the best way – or the only way – for your teenager to avoid heavy drama is to disengage from it entirely. This can be hard to do, especially if most (or all) of their friend group happens to be involved in the drama.

This is where your teen needs to be brave and strong… if they find themselves hanging out with a group of kids whose favorite pastime is gossiping, spreading rumors, or stirring up chaos, it’s time for them to create some distance for their own happiness and mental well-being.

Advise your teen, too, that not every conflict needs to be resolved on the spot. Sometimes, either letting things go (and choosing not to dwell on them) or allowing the people involved time to regroup and process their feelings can keep drama and conflict at bay.

Your teen’s life will never be entirely drama-free… heck, most adults can attest to that in their own lives.

And, we all know avoiding drama isn’t always easy, especially when it feels like everyone around you is getting caught up in it. But by choosing to stay out of the drama, focusing on positive interactions, and surrounding themselves with supportive people, your teen can enjoy a more drama-free, positive, and happy school experience.

About Marybeth Bock

Marybeth Bock, MPH, is a Mom to two young adults and one delightful hound dog. She has logged time as a military spouse, childbirth educator, college instructor, and freelance writer. She lives in Arizona and thoroughly enjoys research and writing – as long as iced coffee is involved. Her work can be found on numerous websites and in two books. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

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