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This Post: Do My Teens Even See Me? The Struggles of Feeling Unappreciated as a Mom
Written By: Raising Teens Today Community
It was Saturday morning at 7 a.m. and the chaos had begun…
One of my teens needed to be at soccer practice across town by 8, another had a basketball game at 9, and my youngest just remembered she left her uniform at a friend’s house.
All three of them were shouting from different rooms – one couldn’t find their shin guards, another wanted me to help them find their water bottle and the other one was upset because the cat just barfed up a hairball on their bedroom rug. Meanwhile, I poured myself a cup of coffee 45 minutes ago, which sat stone-cold on the counter.
I somehow managed to throw a few breakfast sandwiches together for my kids, helped them shove everything into their gym bags, and corral everyone in the car but not without yelling – “I get to sit in the front seat! Mooom! Make him move!”
The entire morning was a blur of driving, parking, hauling gear, and cheering from the sidelines. By noon, I was utterly exhausted and hadn’t eaten more than a bite of toast.
Do you think my kids cared…or even noticed, for that matter?
To them, it was just another Saturday. For me, it was a full workout physically, mentally and emotionally. I didn’t get a “Thanks, Mom, for driving me.” or “Thanks Mom for always supporting me.” What I DID get was attitude. Lots of attitude. “Mooom!” (in a whiny tone that nearly sent me over the edge), “Why were you late picking me up? What were you doing?”
I love my kids and I know they love me… but man, sometimes, I feel so incredibly unappreciated as a mom.
As moms, we give so much of ourselves. We’re the cooks, chauffeurs, cheerleaders, therapists, tutors, and crisis managers. We’re the ones who stay up late helping with last-minute projects, only to wake up at the crack of dawn to drive them to an early practice.
We’re the ones who spend hours researching the best ways to support their dreams, solve their problems, or ease their worries. And yet, despite all of that, there are days when it feels like our efforts go unnoticed or worse, unappreciated.
When my kids hit their teen years, I thought they were old enough to start appreciating at least some of what I did to make their lives comfortable, wonderful, and organized. Instead, it seemed all my efforts were met with nothing but indifference, ungratefulness, and a whole lot of “You’re my mom… you’re supposed to do these things for me.”
When you’re feeling unappreciated as a mom it’s frustrating, heartbreaking, exhausting, and sometimes, downright infuriating.
It’s hard not to take it personally when your teen seems to brush off your endless acts of love. It’s easy to feel like no matter how much you do or how hard you try, it’s never enough. And that feeling can weigh heavy on your heart. It’s a unique kind of loneliness… one that stems from giving so much and wondering if it’s even making a difference.
But here’s the thing: It is making a difference. Even if they don’t say it. Even if they don’t show it. Deep down, your love and dedication are planting seeds that will grow in ways you can’t yet see.
In the meantime, here are seven things to help you keep it all in perspective when you feel like you’re giving your all and it’s still not enough.
1. Remember It’s Not About You
Our teens are in a constant state of change. Their emotions are big, their hormones are chaotic, and their brains are undergoing massive changes. When they snap at you or act ungrateful, it’s usually more about what they’re going through than anything you’re doing.
It’s hard to keep that in mind when you’re in the line of fire, but just remember, their behavior isn’t a reflection of your worth as a mom. It’s a reflection of their growing pains.
2. Your Teen is Going Through a Normal Cocoon Phase
It’s been talked about that teenagers go through a phase called cocooning where their world revolves entirely around themselves – what they want, how they feel, and what matters to them.
They’re in their own little world, figuring themselves and life out. It’s not that they don’t care about you; they’re just consumed by the big changes happening inside their bodies and in their lives. Try to give your teen grace, love, and patience. In time, they’ll emerge from this (rather entitled) phase with beautiful wings, and you’ll see the thoughtful, compassionate person they’ve been becoming all along.
3. Ask for a “Thank You”
Just because our kids are older, doesn’t mean they don’t need (sometimes constant) reminders to be thankful. So, when you go out of your way to do something nice for your teen or it’s just something you do regularly, ask for a thank you. “Hey, I didn’t have to run to Starbucks to get your favorite drink… where’s my thank you?”
4. Focus on the Long Game
Every time you’re thoughtful, kind, caring, and giving to your teen you’re planting a seed. And, just like when you plant seeds in a garden, it can take time (sometimes years) to bloom.
Right now, you’re doing the hard, messy work of digging, planting, and watering. You might not see immediate results, but the lessons you’re teaching them, the love you’re showing them, and the stability you’re providing are laying the foundation for the amazing adults they’ll become. Keep your eyes on the long-term picture and trust that your efforts will bear fruit in time.
5. Celebrate the Small Wins
When you’re in the thick of raising what seems to be ungrateful, unappreciative teenagers, it’s easy to focus on everything they’re doing wrong. But if you really took the time to notice, you’d find that small victories are happening all the time.
Maybe your 16-year-old daughter finally thanked you for dinner, or maybe she gave you a quick hug (her way of saying thank you) before she darted out the door with her friends. Maybe your son put his dishes in the dishwasher or actually took the time to throw his clothes in the washing machine. These moments might seem insignificant, but they’re proof that your hard work IS paying off. Celebrate them, Mom, even if they’re few and far between.
6. Lean on Your Village
One thing I know for certain – we weren’t meant to go through motherhood (or fatherhood) alone. We need support from people who care about us and our kids. Reach out to friends, family, or other moms who understand what you’re going through. Sometimes just venting to someone who gets it can be incredibly healing.
And if you don’t have a close support system, consider joining a parenting group online or in your community. You’d be surprised how many moms feel the same way you do – and how much comfort you can find in their stories.
7. Be Good to Yourself
You can’t pour from an empty cup, mama. When you’re constantly giving, it’s crucial to carve out time to recharge. Whether it’s a quiet walk, a good book, a coffee date with a friend, or even just walking around Target for 30 minutes, make self-care a priority. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. You deserve to feel nurtured, too.
It’s not easy being a mom, especially to teenagers who are navigating their own battles and often forget to say thank you.
But even on the hardest days, remember this: Your love is making a difference. Your sacrifices are noticed, even if they don’t say it out loud. And one day, when they’re older and can see things more clearly, they’ll realize just how much you gave and just how deeply you cared. So take a deep breath, give yourself grace, and keep going. You’re doing better than you think, and your kids are lucky to have you – even if they don’t know how to show it… yet. ❤️
If you enjoyed reading, “Do My Teens Even See Me? The Struggles of Feeling Unappreciated as a Mom,” here are a few other posts you might like:
“I Feel Like I’m Failing as a Parent”- How to Overcome the Hopelessness
To The Mom Whose Heart is Heavy for Her Child, You Are Not Alone
The Great Hormonal Collide: 10 Things Teenagers and Their Perimenopausal Moms Have in Common
We want to hear from you, Moms. How do you handle it when you’re feeling unappreciated as a Mom? Share your thoughts and suggestions in the comments below!
