10 Dating Red Flags Every Teen Should Watch Out For

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This Post: 10 Dating Red Flags Every Teen Should Watch Out For

Written By: Nancy Reynolds

I remember my first high school boyfriend – the butterflies, the nervous excitement, and the way my heart skipped a beat when he met me at my locker after school. 

My mom, ever the wise one, would always ask me questions: “How does he treat you when no one’s watching?” “Do you feel like you can be yourself around him?” “Does he ever make you feel uncomfortable?” At the time, I brushed off her questions, completely lost in the whirlwind of first love. But years later, after experiencing both heartbreak and love, I now see the wisdom in her words.

I’m sure every parent would agree that dating, especially in our kids’ teen years, can be thrilling, confusing, wonderful, and sometimes, downright painful.

And, while we, of course, want our teens to feel the exhilarating joy of their first love, date someone they care about (when they’re ready), and learn how to navigate more complex relationships, we also want them to keep their eyes wide open and recognize the warning signs of an unhealthy, or worse, toxic relationship. After all, love can be blind – particularly when you’re young and new to the dating world.

Dating should be fun and exciting, but it’s important for our teens to recognize warning signs that a relationship might not be healthy. Here are 10 dating red flags every teen should be on the lookout for:

1. They Start the Relationship “Love Bombing”

The BEST relationships start as friendship. Genuine care, concern, and love take time to grow. It should be easy and feel safe.

If your teen’s boyfriend or girlfriend moves in like a freight train, starts declaring their love far too early in the relationship, starts talking about a future together, or showers them with love, gifts, and affection, it can be a serious red flag and a tactic to gain control in the relationship.

Sure, it might seem sweet at first, but over time it might feel manipulative and suffocating. Plus, far too often, relationships like this can turn toxic. Once the “love bomber” feels secure in the relationship their affection and behavior can shift and the once adoring boyfriend or girlfriend can become critical, controlling, or even emotionally abusive. Bottom line, encourage your teen to take things slow and be wary of love bombers! 

2. They Don’t Respect Boundaries

A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect. If your teen’s boyfriend or girlfriend pushes boundaries including, prodding your teen to move faster in the relationship (emotionally and/or physically) than they feel comfortable with or their boyfriend/girlfriend tries to get into your teen’s phone to check texts or interactions with others, that’s a sign of total disregard of your teen’s space, boundaries and privacy. 

Your son or daughter is entitled to have a life outside of their boyfriend/girlfriend. They’re also entitled to move at the pace they feel comfortable with. If they’re feeling forced into disclosing EVERY aspect of their life or being pushed into progressing the relationship before they feel ready, that’s a big red flag. 

3. They Want You to Choose Them Over Friends, Family and Passions

In a healthy relationship, your teen’s boyfriend or girlfriend will encourage your teen to keep and foster their friendships and maintain close ties with their family. They’ll also encourage your teen to keep up with their passions whether it’s sports, a hobby, or a club they’re involved in. That means they’re perfectly okay with taking a back seat when their boyfriend wants to hang out with guys, or their girlfriend wants to hang out with her Mom on Saturday afternoon.

Once they start laying on the guilt trip when your teen wants to spend time with friends or family, that’s when they should become wary.

 “Nooo… hang out with me tonight!” “You see your friends every day in school. You don’t have to see them tonight.” “You must not love me if you’re choosing them/that over me.” 

Remember… love should never feel like a cage.

4. They Get Jealous Over Everything

It can be so exhausting… if your teen’s boyfriend or girlfriend gets upset when they talk to others (particularly others of the same sex) or accuses them of things they haven’t done.

“I SAW you looking at her… you like her don’t you?” Or “Why did you smile at your ex in the hall? You should be smiling at ME not HIM.” 

A little jealousy is normal, but excessive jealousy can turn into control. Trust should be freely given, not constantly tested.

5. They Run Hot and Cold

One day they adore your teen, the next they’re distant and cold. This rollercoaster of emotions isn’t romantic – it’s emotionally exhausting and it can leave your teen constantly guessing where they stand in the relationship. 

Healthy love is steady; it should never be a guessing game. Your teen should never have to wonder where they stand with someone who truly cares about them.

6. They Constantly Control What You Do or Where You Go

Does every date have to be planned by your teen’s boyfriend or girlfriend? When they hang out with friends, is it typically his OR her friends they hang with? Does your teen get little say in what they do, where they grab a bite to eat, or how they spend their time together? 

That’s a big red flag. Dating should be equal and respectful, not dictatorial or controlling. Your teen should feel like they have a say in everything. 

7. They Try to Change You

It might start out subtle… “You know, you’d look great if you changed your hair.” Or “Have you ever thought about working out more? You could stand to lose a little weight.” Or “I like your glasses, but you’d look so much better if you wore contacts.” 

Of course, a little loving advice to bring out the best in someone is fine, but when your teen starts to feel as if their significant other is trying to “mold them” into someone they’re not, that should send up a big red flag. A girl or guy who cares about and loves your teen won’t try to constantly change them. They’ll adore them exactly as they are. 

8. They Twist Things (and Lie)

Maybe your teen caught them a lie and they turn around and blame your teen for their behavior. Maybe they constantly distort conversations, events, or the truth to fit their narrative Or maybe they clearly did something wrong but they refuse to apologize – all signs of an unhealthy relationship AND individual.

By twisting things, they’re trying to manipulate how your teen sees things and their ultimate goal is to avoid taking responsibility for their actions or words. This type of behavior is a form of gaslighting that can leave your teen emotionally whipped as they’re constantly defending themselves and trying to prove what really happened. Over time, it can make your teen doubt themselves and even impact their emotional well-being.

Honesty is a cornerstone of any strong relationship. If you catch them in frequent lies—big or small—it’s a sign of deeper issues. A person who can’t be truthful with you doesn’t deserve your trust.

9. They’re Not Supportive

In any caring relationship, your teen should feel valued and supported. If their boyfriend or girlfriend downplays or belittles their achievements, criticizes them, or makes jokes at their expense, that’s not love… that’s manipulation triggered likely by low self-esteem and a desire to control. Your teen deserves to be with someone who lifts them up, not tears them down.

10. Your Gut Tells You Something Is Off

Perhaps the most important red flag of all – your teen’s instincts. If something feels off, even if they can’t quite explain why, they need to trust their inner feelings. Sometimes, our hearts want to believe in someone, but our intuition knows better. Listen to that inner voice.

Parents, make sure your teen knows that love should never hurt. It should never make them feel small, controlled, or afraid.

The right person will celebrate them, respect them, and love them for exactly who they are. Dating can be wonderful, but it should always be safe, kind, and filled with mutual respect. Your son or daughter deserves nothing less.

If you enjoyed reading, “10 Dating Red Flags Every Teen Should Watch Out For,” here are a few other posts you might like!

Teen Dating: It’s A LOT Different Than We Remember, Parents

Things I Want My Teen Son to Know Before He Starts Dating

10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know Before She Starts Dating