When You Do Have a Favorite Child

My mom always said she didn’t have a favorite child, but I didn’t buy it. Yes, she loved us all madly and never overtly favored any one of the four of us, but I always thought she liked my eldest brother just a smidge more than the rest of us. As we got older, we always joked with her about why he was always in the front seat or who got to choose the movie we watched. And why was she always laughing at his jokes so loud? It was silly; she always smiled at him but never confirmed or denied our suspicions that he was her favorite child.

Having a Favorite Child Doesn’t Always Mean Loving Them More

I also have a big family, and after a gaggle of boys, I finally had my one and only daughter. My sons say she’s my favorite child, and they are probably right. But it has nothing to do with how much I love them. I am closer to her because she is a girl. And I fully admit that. The dynamic of our relationship is different, and I will not make excuses for it or change how I do things. It may sound harsh, but it is a “sorry, not sorry” situation.

Please understand me; my sons give me life; I was a mom of just boys for nearly a decade, and I knew nothing about having a daughter, which was just fine with me. I lived and breathed whatever my boys wanted and loved every minute. I have always done my best to show each of my children how important they are to me by doing things with them that are special just for them. One of my boys was obsessed with Thomas the Train, and if the child had one, he had 15 Thomas T-shirts. He loved Thomas, and I loved him, so it was perfectly natural for me to feed his obsession, and I did it with no guilt.

The same thing happened with dinosaurs and lizards. I’ve even attended a few Weird Al Yankovic concerts because he made my boys laugh. I wouldn’t change any of that. But I must be honest; things did change when my daughter was born. I was suddenly looking at a mirror image of myself and could share interests with her that my boys didn’t care about. And I loved it.

Having a Girl Meant Entering a New World

Suddenly having a girl meant a new world of bows, dresses, and darling little shoes. My dad told me that I treated her like a real-life baby doll. And he was right. I did. I never had a sister and never wanted one, but now, as a little girl’s mom, I realize another world was out there. Girls are different, and I was so, so thankful to have one, and she became my favorite child.

As she has gotten older, I’ve realized I enjoy being a girl mom. I love helping her pick out clothes and going to get our nails done. She likes to shop and listen to music and play with dolls. Those are all things I enjoy doing, too, so we do them together. My sons aren’t interested in those kinds of things. If they were, I promise I would watch cake-decorating shows all night long with them, but they couldn’t care less. So, I spend much of my time with her.

Yes, I understand her life a bit better because I went through similar things. I can talk to her about her changing body and feelings in a way that I can’t do with my sons. Yes, I am 100% open to discussing anything with all my children, nothing is taboo, and my husband is the same. But if I am being frank, it will be much easier for me to discuss cramps and tampons than for my husband, who has not experienced any of that.

Yes, My Daughter is My Favorite Child

Do I favor my relationship with my daughter? Yes. I do. I love that I have someone whose interests are similar. She gives me advice on clothes and helps me pick out holiday decorations. My daughter is my mini, and we are a bit obsessed with each other. Having someone who wants to be like me makes my heart feel full, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t love it because I do. And that doesn’t make me a bad mom.

You aren’t a bad parent if you have a favorite child. We have favorite colors, movies, and books, so it is natural to gravitate more toward one of our kids. It is okay to have that favorite child. Just be careful not to play favorites and ignore your other kids. That is the challenge.

Find something about each of your children that they do the best and let them know they are your favorite because of it. Dote on each of your children and give them all the love and happiness they provide to you. And if you have a favorite child, love them and enjoy them, too, but do your best not to hurt your other kids.