Hilarious & Relatable Celebrity Parenting Quotes

It can be hard to relate to celebrity parents who probably have nannies, assistants, and people who run to the store to grab diapers at 10 pm when the “We’re down to the last one!” panic sets in. But whether you live in the Hollywood Hills or on a cul-de-sac in Indiana, you’re still a mom. You’re still the one they want to snuggle when they are boogery and the one they want to tell when they finally get ALL the pee in the potty. Parenthood — for every one of us — is messy, sticky, exhausting, and beautiful all at once, and I wholeheartedly believe the only way to get through it is with a sense of humor. That’s why we rounded up this list of hilarious and relatable celebrity quotes on parenting.

From sleep deprivation to the dread of bringing a baby on a plane to potty-training woes, famous parents go through the muck just like we do. And thankfully, they tweet about it or tell the truth in interviews, so we can all laugh (and cry a little) together about these celebrity parenting quotes.

Celebrity Parenting Quotes

Here’s our list of hilarious and relatable celebrity parenting quotes.

On Sleep

“Now that I have kids, I’m up at 5:30 am no matter what. Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I’m looking forward to investigating in the future.” — Amy Poehler

“My biggest parenting conundrum: Why it is so hard to put someone who is already sleepy to sleep?” — Chrissy Teigen

“Why don’t kids understand that their nap is not for them but for us?” — Alyson Hannigan

On Kids Being Gross

“Becoming a mom to me means you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.” — Nia Vardalos

“You’re just like a human napkin for kids, like, they just wipe their face on you and stuff.” — Tina Fey

“I think that when you have small kids, you just have to be ok with the fact that your car will always smell like slightly rotten apples.” — Busy Philipps

On What Parenthood is Really Like

“Having children is like living in a frat house. Nobody sleeps, everything is broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” — Ray Romano

“You know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.” — Jim Gaffigan

On Things Kids Say

“Overheard my daughter tell another kid: ‘If your parents ever get blown away in the wind, just pick up the phone and call 891. #SafetyFirst’” — Kristen Bell

“Had no idea a baby ghost was called a ‘morn.’ 3 year old info” — Christina Applegate

On Mom Life/Dad Life Truths

“I thought I’d never be that annoying person, but as soon as Winnie was born, I was showing iPhone snaps to a cab driver.” — Jimmy Fallon

“I’m getting an MRI on my right shoulder tomorrow because I’ve been having so much pain for the last several months. Everyone has been asking how I injured it and I don’t have a good answer. BUT THEN I JUST CAUGHT MY REFLECTION WALKING UP TO MY HOUSE. I THINK I FIGURED IT OUT GUYS. I’M A MOM.” — Busy Philipps

On Their Bodily Functions Ruling Your Life

“I’ve learned that it’s way harder to be a baby. For instance, I haven’t thrown up since the ’90s and she’s thrown up twice since we started this interview.” — Eva Mendes

“This morning… he’s naked and he goes, ‘my tummy hurts, my tummy hurts,’ So I put him on the potty, and he’s wanting me to hold him. I’m like hugging him on his little potty while he’s pooping. It’s really glamorous.” — Kristen Cavallari

“Having an infant son alerts to me the fact that every man, at one point, has peed on his own face. #awesome” — Olivia Wilde

On Toddlers Being Toddlers

“I don’t think so mommy!’ is what my child said after, ‘can you please pick up the popcorn you threw all over?’” — Anna Farris

“Up until 2 am constructing a table with wooden trains for Gideon and all he wants to do is play with a broom. #MerryXmas” — Neil Patrick Harris

“Train museum! For the 223rd time!” — Anna Farris

On Needing a Break

“I had Luca by myself for a few weeks, no help, when Mike [Comrie] was on the road, and when he got home I was like, ‘He’s yours! Bye!’” — Hilary Duff

“Sometimes I feel like a bad mom. Some days I feel like I should win best mom of the day award, and some days I find myself doing strange things that don’t have any real purpose, in faraway corners in my house, and I realize I am literally and deliberately hiding from my children.” — Kate Hudson

“Yeah my kid rides her bike inside. Without clothes. And helmets. While I ignore her and look at my phone.” — Pink

On Traveling with Littles

“There are men who have scaled Everest who wouldn’t dare to travel with two kids under 3. #warrior #dadbeast” — Dax Shepard

“No matter which kids book I read to my screaming baby on an airplane, the moral of the story is always something about a vasectomy.” — Ryan Reynolds

On Pregnancy

“People always say that pregnant women have a glow. And I say it’s because you’re sweating to death.” — Jessica Simpson

“I ate two waffles, a banana, and cereal with blueberries. And that was between my two breakfasts.” — Amy Poehler

“Warning … Don’t lean back on the toilet when pregnant.” — Jessica Simpson

So yeah, maybe you don’t live in a mansion, and maybe the only red carpet you’ll ever walk on is the old, dated one in your grandma’s living room, but parenthood is parenthood. Kids pee their pants and use you as a human napkin — regardless of how famous you are, as you can see by these celebrity parenting quotes. At least we don’t have paparazzi capturing our kid’s temper tantrum on film. But we are all in this together, so let’s keep telling our stories and finding humor through it all, or else I’m pretty sure we’ll all turn to dust.