30 Relatable and Hysterical Truths about the Postpartum Period

We might think the hard part is over once we’re out of the delivery room, and the rest will be all sunshine and roses, and we’ll spend our days cuddling our new sweet baby. But you ain’t seen nothing until you start the postpartum period. So many things happen after delivery that it can be shocking.

Our bodies are different, our hormones are going wild, and all we want to do is look at our sweet baby and sleep. But if you already have a baby or two, you know that is unlikely. We’ve got some surprising things you will encounter during your postpartum period.

30 Fun Facts About the Postpartum Period

Here are 30 fun and relatable truths about the postpartum period to laugh about and share with others.

1. Your Belly Does Not Just ‘Go Down’

If you’re having your first baby, you are in for surprises. Get this: Not only will you probably leave the hospital still looking pregnant, but you may not lose any weight either. Your belly doesn’t just “go back down,” and if you have gone through the trouble of delivering 8 pounds of love, you should, at the very least, get credit for their weight.

2. Your Breasts Will Have a Mind of Their Own

Your breasts are basically like having a personal sprinkler. And if no one told you, they might get engorged and hurt, or you could develop thrush. You better put those nursing pads on because you might be in the grocery store, hear someone else’s baby cry, and start to let down right there in the produce department.

3. Your Baby is Going to Cry

Look, these aren’t a few little whimpers because they are hungry. Nope, those little things can wail. The screams are so loud and powerful that it makes you wonder how they don’t have a sore throat all the time. FYI: These are essential baby facts that you need to know. But, thankfully, resting in a loving mom or dad’s arms often does the trick, along with a boob or a bottle.

4. It Might Feel Like Your Baby Never Sleeps

This is a rough one. In addition to the usual baby cries and whines, colicky babies scream for hours. And that screeching can be maddening. Talk to your doctor and have a support system if your baby has colic. It could save your sanity.

5. You Will Have to Poop After Delivery

As much as you may not want to believe that it will happen after you push a watermelon out of a hole the size of a lemon, you won’t ever not have to go to the bathroom again. You must prepare yourself, both mentally and physically, for this moment. Just in case, it can help to take stool softeners and have one of those peri spray bottles with warm water ready. Breathe, think happy thoughts, and gently push. Believe it or not, billions of mothers have pooped after having a baby and lived to tell the tale.

6. You Are Going to Love Those Mesh Panties

They are ugly as sin, but those suckers are amazing. Fill them with those awesome ice packs or padsicles, and you are set. Take advantage of it, sister, and sneak a few pairs home with you. Most nurses will load you up, and there is no shame in your game if you want to feel good after the baby is born.

7. Your Baby Will Need So Much Stuff

You’ve clearly heard from someone who gave birth long ago that they never had any of the fancy baby stuff we have today, and we turned out just fine. Sure, but these are also people who could choose a smoking or non-smoking room at the hospital. Yes, there are baby things you need, but it isn’t necessary to get it all. Talk to your friends who have recently had babies (or peruse our resource); they can give you great advice.

8. Your Baby Will Pee On You

This is a helpful newborn fact to remember. And if you have a boy, watch out. The second their penis hits that cold air during a diaper change, they let it rip. You can’t stop it, so prepare to be quick. Have that diaper or a wipe ready and shield yourself. But it’s not just boys. Girls pee during diaper changes, too.

9. Your Baby Will Also Poop On You

We’re talking about poop again, but trust us when we say those newborn blowouts are the real deal. Many a onesie has been destroyed by baby poop. Yes, those baby clothes are cute, but there is no shame in grabbing the scissors and having a proper burial for a baby sleeper. Always bring extra clothes, just in case.

10. Sex Postpartum Might Terrify You

The first time you have sex after having a baby brings the same fears and hesitation as the whole poop thing. Your body has undergone some significant changes; some even call it trauma. It’s natural to be a little cautious of intimacy. Talk it through with your partner beforehand so everyone is on the same page.

11. You Will Spend a Lot of Money

Be prepared to go wild with everything you need, or think you need, in the newborn baby days. Just be careful not to over-buy anything. Babies grow fast, and they may be too big for all the things.

12. You’re Going to Cry

Um, yeah. The emotional roller coaster doesn’t stop when your baby is born. You might burst into a big old puddle of tears if someone in your household drinks the last Diet Coke or changes the channel. And boy, there are so many tears when a person in the house wakes the baby. Everyone needs to tread lightly.

13. You’re Going to Be Exhausted

In case no one told you, a newborn is exhausting. When you finally get a chance to sleep, it’s like they know and poop that very second and start screaming. That whole “sleep when your baby sleeps” only works if you have your first baby. If you have other kids, it’s just a pipe dream. Take care of yourself, and get your partner to help.

14. You’re Going to Live in Your Pajamas

There is no reason to trade in your jams or sweats for anything that buttons during your postpartum period. No one is judging a new mom trying to balance it all. And if they do, forget them. They are not your real friends.

15. You’re Going to Be Overwhelmed by All This Stuff

Yes, baby gear is cute and fun, but you probably don’t need it all. Before you know it, your home will be overtaken by things that sing, light up, soothe, warm, calm, and relax. And none of that stuff is for you. Skip the excessive and stick to the basics for feeding, clothing, and diapering with some fun things in between.

16. You’re Going to Hide From Visitors

Yes, you will probably want your mom to help you, but the neighbor you grew up with and friends you haven’t seen in 30 years, not so much. Set boundaries for visitors and say no if you aren’t up to it. And if someone comes over unexpectedly, go ahead and hide in a closet. They’ll eventually go away.

17. You’re Going to Get a Lot of Gifts

And you might hate them. Gift givers don’t always share your style, follow your baby registry list, or get the right size. Babies grow quickly. That is a newborn fact, but you don’t have to use it all. It is okay to take things back without feeling guilty. But, if it is a super special thing that the gift giver just had to pass on, wear it and use it when they are around. Plus, don’t forget to say thank you. If you don’t have time for notes or a call, a quick text does the trick.

18. You’re Going to Be So Darn Thirsty

If you are breastfeeding, stay hydrated. We all know that cups and bottles are big business, and some moms love the cups from the hospital. Drink that water. You are not a camel and can’t hold onto it the same way; be sure to replenish.

19. You Might Feel Like You’re Starving

After delivery, you will want to eat a big meal. Get it, girl. So many women want to indulge in sushi or a giant turkey sandwich after birth. They have waited a long time to eat those forbidden foods. Make sure your partner is ready with whatever it is you’re craving.

20. You Will Not Be Able to Drive

This one is tough. A lot of times, moms feel like they’re trapped inside their own homes. They can’t drive, and much of that has to do with pain medication after birth. That first time they get behind the wheel is the first taste of freedom. Even if you only go to Target, take that ride and love it.

21. And You Will Be in Pain

After you give birth to a baby, you are sore. That’s just a baby fact. This is particularly true if you have a C-section. Take care of yourself. And if the doctor says not to lift anything and don’t overdo it on the stairs, listen. There is nothing worse than hurting yourself or getting an infection after birth.

22. Embracing Your Body Will Be Important

Nope, it will never be the same after you deliver your first baby. Your body will change, and guess what? Your partner will probably either be happy with or not care about that change. They realize you have made an enormous sacrifice having that baby, and they love your new form. You should, too.

23. You Will Overload Everyone With Pictures

Suddenly, you will be the queen of social media and sharing pics of your baby. Nope, nothing is wrong with that. You are a proud mother of a newborn, and you want to share it with the world. But maybe save some pics for Grandma and Grandpa.

24. You Will Compare Yourself to Other Moms

Guess what? Everyone’s journey is different, and moms do things that work for them and their babies. It is okay if you bottle feed instead of breastfeed. Cloth diapers are great, too. Feel out your newborn and see what makes them happy during the postpartum period. You don’t need to go wild with all the baby gear to make your baby happy.

25. You Will Plan Out Their Whole Life

Whether you hope you have a tap dancer on your hand or a football star, you will have big dreams for your little one. It is okay to daydream, but don’t be surprised if they go in another direction. It is also perfectly acceptable to mix the best of both worlds.

26. You Will Wish It Away Without Realizing It

Even though you don’t realize it, you might hope your baby hits all its milestones when it should or earlier. Before you know it, they will be walking and running around. One day, they may even be in college. Take advantage of every stage of life. You’ll never regret it.

27. You Will Enjoy That Hot Shower

It may seem silly, but a nice shower might be all a mom needs to refresh herself. A clean body and newly washed hair can do wonders for a mom in her postpartum period. Plus, you get that time alone that you are craving. Unless, of course, you have older kids slipping a note under the door. Have a pen ready to let them know your partner can get them juice, too.

28. You Will Be Nervous the First Time You Leave Your Baby at Home

Whether you like it or not, you must get away from the baby for a few minutes. Everyone needs a day or night out to be an adult. It is normal and the best kind of self-care. Leave your baby and send 50 texts to make sure they are okay. Especially if it is someone you love, you will feel much better.

29. You’re Going to Go Nuts About the Baby Monitor

Don’t spend too much time watching your baby sleep. Get some stuff done around the house during the postpartum period. Yes, it is tempting to watch, but the bottles need rinsing, and baby laundry needs washing. Or, shoot, take a nap. There is plenty to do while the baby is resting.

30. You Must Practice Self-Care

As much as you may not want to take a walk, talk on the phone, or binge-watch your favorite trashy show on Netflix, please do it. If a momma takes care of herself, she is much better prepared to care for her child. That is just baby facts.

Parents, don’t be afraid. The postpartum period is beautiful. Enjoy your baby and hold them close. It all goes so fast. But whatever you do, don’t blink.