I Want My Kids to Live Close, I Have to Let Them Live Their Lives

In high school, I couldn’t wait to get out of my hometown. I craved something different: a new life where I could start fresh, and meet new people. My plan was to go to college, then move to a different state. When people warned me I might miss my childhood town in New England, and end up coming back I thought, No, that will never be me. 

But it was me. After four years of college, I graduated and moved to the South. I lasted three months before calling my parents and telling them I wanted to come home. I missed my siblings terribly. I missed the cooler weather (something I never thought I would miss) and I found myself getting nostalgic every time I thought about my childhood. 

I now live in the town I grew up in

That was twenty-five years ago and I’ve never contemplated moving since. I live in my childhood town and I’m pretty sure I’ll be here forever. Now that my kids are getting older and on the cusp of moving out and starting a new life I keep remembering my experience.

My youngest keeps talking about moving someplace far away. By that I mean, on the other side of the United States. My daughter claims there’s nothing to do in our state and wants a taste of city life. The closest major city is about three hours away. I am mostly happy for my children and I really do want them to live their own lives.

But, selfishly I’d like them to stay living in the same state as me. (Okay, I’d prefer the same street but I’d settle for the same state.) The thought of not seeing them every day, not getting to have dinner with them most nights of the week, and not being able to be right there when they need me, tears me up inside. 

It tears me up that my teens talk about moving far away from home

I realize this happens all the time. Parents all over the world have young adults who live far away and they go about their lives. But right now, as they sit and talk about being a plane ride away, I can’t digest it and I wonder how I will cope. Just the thought of it makes me feel a bit nauseous. 

What if they don’t come home for the holidays?

How often will I get to see them?

What will my life look like if they live far away? 

Every time I think about it my mind spirals into overdrive and I find myself trying to convince them to stay because envisioning them living far away is too hard. 

I will need to let my teens go when they are ready

I know I will need to figure this out. It’s not as if I have a choice – they are adults and I’ll need to let them go when they are ready. And lately, I’ve realized I need to stop guilting them into staying local just as I need to stop hanging on to the hope that their story will end up like mine.

Letting your kids live their own life can be one of the most difficult things as a parent. We’ve been around for a while so naturally, we feel that we know more than they do. Oftentimes, we think we know what’s best for them. But as they grow and come into their own, we don’t know what the right path is for them; that’s something they need to figure out.

My children aren’t going to live the same life I did because they aren’t me and honestly, they don’t want to be exactly like me. They are my kids, not my possessions.

I am being selfish when I ask my teens to stay nearby

I know that when I chime in with my opinion, I am being selfish. I want their lives to be easy. I want to help them as much as possible. I want to have them close by so I don’t have to feel the discomfort of missing them. None of those things are what’s best for them unless it’s what they want. 

I’m determined to shut my mouth and be supportive of my kids in whatever they want to do, even if it takes them far away from me. I might need some emotional support to get through it all, but I’m certainly going to try. 

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